Meditation for Relaxation Read online

  Meditation is powerful, but it will not hurt you. Your experience will vary from day to day and practice to practice. Some days or practices will feel great, and others will feel like a real struggle. But if you stick with it, you can find a path to relaxation, calm, and peace you may not have traveled before, and it can become one that you value immensely.

  Engaging with the Present Moment

  Meditation is the practice of quieting your thoughts for the purpose of becoming completely aware of the present moment. As you rekindle your relationship with the present, you can live in it more fully, with greater awareness, deeper sensitivity, and more intention.

  As you begin exploring these practices, you will discover that your thoughts are just your thoughts, creations of your mind, and that you have the ability to let them pass and instead exist with complete attention in the present moment.

  PRINCIPLES OF MEDITATION

  In my own practice, I’ve identified eight guiding principles of meditation. Each principle below is based on my experience, but I give a lot of credit to Jon Kabat-Zinn, one of the leading teachers in mindfulness meditation, who has written extensively on meditation and inspired me in my journey. Feel free to come back to this section to get grounded before you begin a practice or to check in after meditating to see how these principles guided your practice and how they are showing up in your life (because they will start showing up, over and over).

  Patience. As you begin meditating, you’ll find that your brain will work very hard to get your attention: What was that sound? Did I turn off the heat? I wonder what Joe is doing. This will happen often, and it’s completely normal. You may also start noticing physical distractions—your leg might fall asleep, or you may want to fidget to get more comfortable—as well as external distractions, like a bird chattering or the doorbell ringing . . . . Your mind will be tempted to follow each distraction, and this might frustrate you. Be patient. Acknowledge the distractions, let them go (unless your leg is falling asleep, in which case you should adjust), and bring your attention back to your practice. Enter into each meditation with a mind-set of patience, so you are ready to accept whatever arises, including your own frustrations or doubts.

  Acceptance. Acceptance goes hand in hand with patience and means that you’re fully accepting whatever you’re experiencing, whether it is an external sound or sensation or an internal thought or emotion. With practice, you’ll begin to accept all that you experience, in meditation and beyond. In many ways, acceptance is meditation.

  Nonjudgmental Awareness. One of the most important principles of meditation is the concept of nonjudgmental awareness. Our minds are almost always judging. That was rude, this tastes good, it’s too cold, I’m overweight, she’s good looking, and on and on. We compare, categorize, and label in an effort to organize and understand the world: It can be difficult to turn off this judging impulse, but it’s extremely worthwhile. Meditation encourages us to practice nonjudgmental awareness, which allows us to put space between our experience and our reaction so we can simply observe what’s happening. As new thoughts, sounds, smells, and sensations clamor for our attention, we are simply aware—without labeling, without judging.

  Compassion. We are born with an innate capacity for compassion, and it continues to develop as we grow. We learn that if we pull hair or hit, it hurts another person. We learn that some people are less fortunate than we are. We learn that making other people feel good makes us feel good. Meditation is powerful for compassion. It strips away our fears and pride and emotional reactions, revealing that under the surface we are simply human beings. As you experience this stripping away more frequently through meditation, you may begin to feel a liberating humility that manifests as a deep reservoir of compassion for yourself and for others.

  Forgiveness. When you aren’t as easily frustrated by events, circumstances, or even your own thoughts, when you learn to accept all things outside of your control, without judgment and with compassion for yourself and others, you’ll find it’s much easier to let go of grudges and practice forgiveness. Forgiveness can take you even deeper into the principles of meditation, and we’ll explore this concept with several practices in this book.

  Trust. As you explore a state of being that quiets your thoughts, your mind will try all sorts of tricks to get back in the driver seat. You may get a sudden surge of fear, or skepticism, or irritability. Sometimes the thoughts or emotions that rise up will be very strong, perhaps even strong enough to pull you away. That’s okay. It’s all part of the process. But meditation is a practice that’s worthy of your trust. If something pulls you out of it, trust that it is worthwhile to go back in. Trust in what it’s doing for you. Trust that it’s always there for you. Over time, this trust will help you get more from your meditation practice.

  Nonattachment. We tend to be precious about our things, our thoughts, our ideas, and our preferences. We get attached to the outcomes we want. Nonattachment reminds you not to hold onto anything; that all things and experiences and beings are impermanent. This mind-set helps us in our practice and as we go about our daily lives.

  Nonstriving. This idea can be challenging for some people, especially those who are perfectionists or overachievers. We’ve been conditioned to identify with our goals and to approach things for the purpose of achieving or getting ahead. The principle of nonstriving reminds us to simply observe, without desire or intention to accomplish anything. The purpose of each meditation practice is just to bring your awareness to the present moment. That’s all you need to do.

  Stopping to meditate can feel absurd when there are so many other things to do. But not making time for ourselves is a big part of the problem we’re addressing here, a big part of why you might feel so anxious or have trouble sleeping. If it’s helpful, instead of thinking of meditation as taking time away from other, “more important,” things you need to do, think of meditation as the superpower that enables you to be more focused, more clear-headed, and more efficient throughout the rest of your day.

  MBSR and MBCT

  If you’re still unsure about the healing benefits of meditation for body and mind, consider these two medical treatment methodologies that incorporate the principles of meditation and mindfulness. The effectiveness and popularity of these treatments demonstrate the incredible research-based results of meditation. If either of these therapies sounds right for you or someone you love, I encourage you to do more research.

  Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)

  MBSR was developed, in the 1970s, by Jon Kabat-Zinn, one of the first researchers to bring rigorous scientific study to the field of mindfulness meditation, for the purpose of treating a range of conditions that were difficult to address in conventional medical settings. An eight-week workshop, MBSR combines mindfulness meditation, body awareness, and yoga to help individuals reduce stress and relax. MBSR programs have been introduced to hospitals around the world, major corporations, and even the U.S. Congress. MBSR is practiced as a complementary medicine, and some form of MBSR education has been introduced to most medical schools. Thousands of MBSR instructors have been certified and lead programs around the United States.

  Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)

  MBCT is an eight-week group therapy program developed, in the early 1990s, by the esteemed mindfulness research team of John Teasdale, Zindel Segal, and Mark Williams. The program builds on the MBSR method developed by Kabat-Zinn. Combining conventional psychotherapy methods with mindfulness practices, MBCT was originally developed to treat individuals with depression. (MBSR is more general.) Biochemical factors play a significant role in depression, but so do thoughts and an individual’s relationship with them. Using mindfulness meditation methods, MBCT helps patients observe their thoughts as impermanent creations (“events”) of their brains, instead of true representations of “self.” MBCT has been found to be effective for depression and is also being studied for a variety of other health applications, including diabetes and cancer.


  TYPES OF MEDITATION

  All meditation is built on the same basic principles, but there are numerous types. You don’t need to know the specific type you’re doing to reap the benefits, but I include seven types to help you build your practice. I encourage you to try a few to find the approaches that feel best to you.

  Mindfulness. Mindfulness is being aware—i.e., “mindful”—of what you are doing, thinking, feeling, and experiencing in the present moment. There are many approaches to mindfulness meditation, including scanning the sensations of your body, focusing on your breath, or simply becoming openly aware of all that is happening in and around you. This meditation can be done seated, lying down, or walking.

  Vipassana. Believed to have been developed by the Buddha, Vipassana is very similar to general mindfulness in that it uses the breath and cultivates awareness. This type of meditation is unique in that it teaches us to recognize thoughts, sounds, and sensations by making note of them as they pass with phrases such as “I am hearing . . .,” “I am thinking . . .,” or “I am feeling . . .”

  Phrases and Affirmations. This type of meditation involves repeating certain phrases to help focus the mind. These phrases tend to be simple and affirming, such as: “I am here.” “I am alive.” “My word is good.” “I am peaceful.” By focusing on the inherent meaning in the words and repeating them consistently, we can cultivate compassion, equanimity, forgiveness, gratitude, joy, confidence, clarity, or other states of mind.

  Focus and Concentration. Many meditations use a focal point for our attention. This focal point can be internal, such as a specific sensation related to the breath or a thought, or external, such as looking at a particular object or listening to a specific sound. Focusing on a candle flame, listening to chimes or the sound of rain, or holding mental focus on a particular idea are all forms of this type of meditation.

  Chanting. Chants (also known as mantras in some traditions) use the breath and sound to create a real-time physical sensation in your head, throat, and chest through the vibration of your vocal cords. This immersive experience helps bring us into deep connection with the present moment. Most religions and many types of meditations call for some form of chanting. Whereas phrases and affirmations often have direct and clear meaning (“I am here”), chants may use words or phrases from another language, are often ancient and handed down through generations, and are typically recited aloud in large groups. Chants are used by monks in monasteries and congregations in churches. In chanting, the sounds of the words are as impactful as the meaning of the words.

  Tonglen. Tonglen comes from a Tibetan tradition and encourages using the breath as the vehicle for specific energetic exchange. For instance: inhaling peace and tranquility, exhaling stress and tension.

  Visualization. Visualization meditations, often called “guided” or “nidra” meditations in the yogic traditions, are guided by words in a book, in audio recordings, or spoken by teacher. By imagining landscapes, environments, and scenarios, visualization meditations can help cultivate desirable mind-sets, emotional states, beliefs, and habits. They can also be effective in guiding athletes in performance and addressing trauma. This book presents several guided meditations.

  EXPLORING PRACTICE

  You don’t need anything other than an open mind to meditate. But here are some tips that may make the practice easier. Flip back to this section when you find yourself frustrated or discouraged about your practice.

  Meditation Is for Anyone. In yoga, we often hear people say, “Oh, I can’t do yoga, I’m not flexible at all.” This excuse baffles me because it means people are assuming that what is a result of the practice (flexibility) is actually a prerequisite for even trying it, which is simply not true. A similar principle applies to meditation. If you are someone who thrives on busyness and self-identifies as anxious, exhausted, or stressed, then you may think that meditation isn’t for you. In fact, trying meditation would be a great idea for you. Meditation can help anyone find space and calm in their minds and lives. It also reveals that your self-concepts (“I’m too busy”) are simply thoughts—and you no longer have to believe them.

  You Have the Time. Even a few short minutes of meditation are better than none. I know it can be difficult at first to prioritize something that has the appearance of not being “productive.” But the truth is that meditation is extremely productive, perhaps one of the most productive things you can do with 5 or 10 minutes. Make the time. You don’t need much. Try putting your next practice on your calendar or setting an alarm on your phone. Commit and follow through—I know you can find 5 to 10 minutes somewhere in your day.

  Create the Space. You can meditate anywhere—on the train, in a plane, in a hotel lobby, in a conference room. But it can be helpful, especially in the beginning, to try to reduce distractions. You don’t need a special chair or cushion, but you do want to be physically comfortable. Less noise makes it easier to focus at first, so find the quietest place available. You can also listen to soothing ambient music on headphones or speakers to drown out any background noise. At home, find a place where you can have some privacy and get comfortable, and make that place your dedicated meditation spot.

  Unplug. Put your phone in airplane mode (unless you need it for music with headphones, in which case you should turn off all notifications). Turn off your computer or put it in sleep mode. Turn off any alarms that may disrupt you. Sometimes the present moment includes distractions out of our control, which can be challenging but which are important to accept. One area under our control is our digital lives, so unplug and put devices away before you settle in.

  Get Comfortable. Wherever you are, try to find a comfortable position. You can be seated on a chair, on a bench, or on a cushion on the floor. Try to find a position in which you won’t get sore after a few minutes and in which your legs won’t fall asleep. If you’re in a public place, position yourself so that you aren’t in the way, to avoid disruptions. If sitting won’t work for you for some reason, lying flat on your back can work, but you run the risk of falling asleep. Ideally, you want to be comfortable but not so comfortable that you doze off.

  All You Have to Do Is Try. Remember this advice as you start your practice: You can’t “fail” at meditation. Sure, you may struggle with it, but experienced practitioners also struggle. Go easy on yourself. There are no rules about meditation, so don’t be too rigid about it. Even 30 seconds of meditation can be worthwhile. Just keep carving out the time each practice calls for and trying to focus your mind on the present moment. Over time, you’ll find an approach and a rhythm that work for you. As long as you try, you will experience the benefits of meditation.

  How Will I Know If Meditation Works?

  Remember that the purpose of meditation is to cultivate clear awareness of the present moment. As you do this, you will begin to see your thoughts as just thoughts, not truths, and to start to find space between stressors and your responses. Through these practices, there are an infinite number of ways your meditation practice will help you in your life. If you begin to notice that you take more deep breaths throughout the day, or that you let thoughts go instead of gripping onto them, or that you’re generally more relaxed, calm, or getting better sleep, you will know that meditation is working.

  MAKE THIS BOOK WORK FOR YOU

  This book is your book, designed to help you with your meditation practice. Meditation practices are independent one from another, so you do not need to attempt them in any particular order. Find the practices you like the most and repeat them as often as you’d like. Or start out by trying a new meditation for every practice until you settle on an approach that works best for you.

  Think of the meditations that follow as the first steps down an open-ended, fascinating path of self-discovery. They are specifically designed to reduce stress, promote relaxation, and improve the quality of your sleep. But you may experience even more significant shifts. Don’t shy away from them. Continue on your path. Keep exploring.
/>   Stretch Yourself and Your Practice

  The practices in the book range in duration—some are 5 minutes, some are 25 minutes. I encourage you to try all of them. You won’t be able to know which ones work best for you by simply reading them. You have to do them. Start out with the shorter practices and work your way up. As you become more comfortable, try longer and longer practices.

  Accept Frustration

  You will almost certainly experience some frustration or restlessness with your practice from time to time (maybe even every time). Remember that these emotions are products of your mind. Observe them and let them go. If they are so strong that you find it impossible to get back into your meditation, it’s okay to step away. But don’t let that time be the last time you ever try meditation, and don’t hold onto any feelings of frustration. Let them go, regroup, make another time, review the principles here, and try again. As I mentioned before, even the most experienced meditators experience intense psychological and emotional resistance at times. This resistance is normal. All you can do is accept it for what it is.

  Let the Journey Begin

  As is no doubt evident by now, I truly believe in the power of meditation. I’m thrilled to share the following practices with you, and I sincerely hope that you will find them beneficial. If you are new to meditation, refer back to this chapter often for encouragement and a reminder that you’re on the right track.

  Remember that you are embarking on a journey during which you will encounter new experiences and rediscover yourself, and the optimal outcome is finding more space, clarity, calm, and rest. This journey is worth taking.

  PART I

  Cultivate Calm and Relaxation

  Though we often aren’t aware of it, total relaxation is available to us in nearly every moment in our lives, regardless of circumstances. This option is usually obscured by our thoughts, stress, and the general busyness of our lives. If we don’t have experience with intentionally accessing a state of relaxation, remembering that it’s even an option can be difficult. Meditation provides a tool kit for accessing relaxation in any moment. As you become more familiar with using it, remembering that you always have a choice becomes easier. The meditations in this section are designed to help you get relaxed. As you practice them more over time, you may find that you also use them more frequently. I hope you do.